For me motherhood has always been the greatest gift and responsibility that could be bestowed upon me. A miracle, a blessing given to me from the instant I found out I was pregnant for the first time, at the tender age of 22. I have not always had the opportunity to live with this blessing from a place of health and light. I have learned to love from loss and illness, from the most acute pain and deepest suffering.
A mother´s love: that feeling of infinity that comes from bringing beautiful souls to this earth makes us stronger than we think we can be. Some of us (me included) simply do not have an idea of how capable we are of greatness until the time comes when we are left no other choice. Now imagine what we, as mothers, could be capable of this greatness if we realized it, embraced the delicate, angelic fibers that every second of our day is made of! Then, every moment would count, and we would stand strong, even when standing in the midst of tears or facing a giant made of darkness. We would be light.
I found a yellow Water Lily the other day. It was just floating there, breathtaking and still. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it dried up and died. Yesterday morning a new one showed up. It was the same color, in the same place, but more beautiful than the one before, rising from a dark pond, reaching for the sky in it´s own small way, with such greatness. And so it is with mother´s. This is how we are blessed, with the gift of being able to pass this wisdom on to our babies. We flirt with death when we bring them into this world, then we die a little everytime tragedy strikes. However, it is here that we are reborn, more majestic and loving than ever. This is just how we are made. Just the way things are. There´s no changing it, no use in trying to understand it either. All we have to do is realize it, accept it and then truly believe it–doubt is what makes us falter. Then our children can believe. Even though they may occasionally break, through their tears they will always manage a glimpse of that light that is mother´s love. Then, they learn to trust that they too will also heal. Laugh. Love. Glow.
Dedicated to D, a friend, one like no other. Even though she now faces her monster, her grief, her torn heart, her wounded motherhood, even though she feels broken, to me she is that beautiful yellow Water Lily. Light in the face of darkness.
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