The invention of the white lie, a.k.a. the fib, never became more apparent until I had my own talking, stubborn, strong and rigid toddler. I mean of course I’ve lied and most definitely embellished many-a-time throughout my life (in fact I’m queen of the exaggeration), but the constant flow of mini-fabrications did not flourish until I was coerced into daily mergers and acquisitions with my two and a half year old. My most favorite go-tos are that the iPad is broken and in the shop (because she’s an addict, an apple addict- thanks Steve!) or that everyone in the city is sleeping when it’s barely 7:30 p.m. Night night! Harmless, totally. A little less so harmless is my new one which may or may not have you quiver an eye: everyone in pre-school (countdown has officially begun in the happiest sense) uses the potty and that she (yea, my kid) will be sole proprietor of the diaper business. This is totally untrue and a bit pushy on my end, but I’m so bloody sick of diapers. This kid can argue her way out of a Starbucks tab yet she can’t regulate her own excrement schedule. Puh…leeze.
More fun and entertaining white lies: eating certain vegetables will make you smarter or more magical, or all three year olds know how to scoot (it’s a life skill), so get scooting. Once you learn to scoot, you can do bigger girl stuff like go to the batting cage with dad or play mini golf. When you go to school, you have to listen or they call your parents in for a meeting where they take away TV – this goes along with hitting and biting – thus hands to yourself and hush.
I guess as I read back there are more idle threats, realities and true negotiations being made here than an upheaval of white lies. But still- folks, when you gotta bust out a fib just to get out of the house, get dressed or use the ladies/gents room- what’s the big whoop? They’ll eventually fib to us, let’s just call it even and replay the down now, while we can. Often it works to their advantage: think of “the tooth fairy” and all the years of cash flow and liquidity that will bring to them.